The L Train is the Hell Train

Oh L Train you're the best. And by best I actually mean the worst. The. Worst. Ever.

This is your story.

Waiting for the Train

The L Train is special because it has this great little "time board" that informs you when the next train is scheduled to arrive.

The problem is....Either it doesn't work, there are 5 million people sardined on the train and you can't get on anyway or it actually (yes actually) gives you this information:



Please explain to me why I can go to Long Island faster than going from Union Square to 1st Ave.











And the weekends? Good Lawddd. Usually there is yellow police tape covering the entrance. Your first thought is - "A Crime has occurred". Well, my friend, a crime has occurred. A crime of transportation retardation.

The People

Where do I begin. Every time this GD train comes the train is packed. So packed in fact, that 99% of time you cannot get on.

But if you are one of the lucky ones that is small enough or strong enough to push your way in - you are faced with the following situations:

Smelly mexi's who don't believe in soap. Dirty creepsters who rub their peen against your leg. Crazy Chola princesses who refuse to move their arm so you can hold onto the pole. Oh and the Hipster. Where do I begin with the Hipster?



Dear Hipster,
Please stop judging me on the 8:30am train when I am in my corporate wear on my way to work. Yes, I work 9 to 5. Yes, I am mainstream. Yes, I am wearing J Crew. Deal with it.

Dear Hipster,
Please stop taunting me with your ironic t-shirt. And no, you do not need to wear a scarf and tight skinny jeans when it is 93 degrees outside. Let your pasty legs breathe and put on some shorts. But not the 70's runner shorts with tall white socks with stripes straight from American Apparel. Put on something that I cannot see your sausage and meatballs in.

Dear Hipster,
Please do not shove your guitar/bag of books/Paint brushes in my head when boarding the train. You suck.

Thank you,
Midge