Cubicle Work Space Offenders

Your home away from home: The Cubicle.



Many of us like to personalize our workspace with our favorite pictures or collectibles. Making the work day go by quicker or maybe to even impress our fellow colleagues.


Here are a few cubicle offenders that you will find in every office.






The Dorm Room Transplant:

The Offender: Recent College graduate

The Evidence: Posters of said offender's favorite bands, celebrities, or athletes. Collages of their friends doing body shots during Spring Break, drinking green beer on st. Patty's day, 80's Party best costume winners, and slutty nurse/firefighter/police officer Halloween pictures.

Star Wars Groupie:

The Offender: Star Wars Convention Member

The Evidence: Besides the 787 pieces of Star Wars memorabilia on said offenders desk? The fact that he has two 8x10's of his "girlfriend" on his desk.

Oh except for the fact that you saw the same stock photos that come with the frame at Wal-mart last week.

The "I'm proud of my kid/nephew/niece/friends kid" Person:

Offender #1: The mom who can't get enough of little Johnny's airplane drawings or little Susie's flowers.

The Evidence: Crap drawings where those little bastards color outside of the lines over and over and over again. Also - creepy school photos that have a cloud or neon "halo" colored background.

Offender #2: The lonely lady who hangs up pictures that other kids (niece/nephew/godchild) draw.

Evidence: She accompanies her child drawings with the following:


- thank you cards she's received (people are thankful for her)


- breast cancer/aids/heart disease ribbons and magnets (she has a good heart and volunteers)


- "art postcards" that she really got for free while standing in line for a bar bathroom (she's artistic)


-Calendar with "plans" (she's busy but not busy enough that she can't wipe her calendar clean if she gets asked to hang out)




The Organized Clutter Lady:


The Offender: A Lady who should clearly be retiring but likes to "keep busy". Hasn't cleaned her desk since World War II.



The Evidence: Mounds of papers, Original typewriter, post-its, dirty coffee mugs, empty prescription bottles, poppy pins, and tons of ketchup of packets (you shouldn't waste). She claims she is more organized than you and knows exactly where everything is.








The Holiday Cheer Worker:




The Offender: Ho. Ho. Ho.



Evidence: Said Offender wears sweaters with bells and/or flashing lights that play "dashing through the snow" 30 times a day. Lunch hours are spent making glitter stockings for each employee. Christmas music begins playing the day after Thanksgiving and goes until New Years. Insists on everyone bringing potluck to the Christmas party and participating in Secret Santa.






The Collector:

The Offender: Obsessive Compulsive. No children or pets.

The Evidence: Excessive number of beanie babies, bobble heads, pins, figurines, or magnets molesting your desk. Said Offender had to request a floor to ceiling filing cabinet to actually hold their office supplies and files. There is no more room on the desk.

"Falling Down" Crazy:

The Offender: Personality similiar to Michael Douglas in Falling Down

The Evidence: Oozi, chainsaw, duck tape, short sleeve button down with tie.