Babies.

Sometimes babies are cute. Cute enough that I would like to eat them.


But most of the time........I find babies and the people that care for them creepy and terrible.




Baby Gremlin*, I mean Bjorn.

Case 1:

The baby is facing outward like it is an alien bursting from this man's chest. Seriously. Is the baby so heavy that you can't just carry it around with your arms?

Case 2:

The baby is facing inward and the little tykes face is pressed up against your body. No big deal. You're just suffocating it to death and his limbs are going limp. Stop wearing the child around like it's your scarf of the day.

Babies on Leashes:

Oh the irony. A baby's leash attached to a dog back-pack. Stop mocking this child with your evil contraption. Are you really not fast enough to catch this midget mobile if it takes off running?

Birthing Multiple Mutants:

Holy Bajesus.

This is just wrong. All sorts of wrong.

With so many of them in there..they are bound to be born looking like alien rat babies that cry. and cry. and cry.

Please. I beg you and your sagging 3 ft of stretched skin belly to please use a condom or draino before this happens to you.

Babies in a Bar:

Okay fine. I'm not going to lie. If I decide to birth a munchkin - I'll probably be guilty of this so called faux-pas.



Drinking in a social setting while your little ball of responsibility naps sounds pretty good to me.



However, I draw the line when it comes to lighting shots of 151 on fire and taking it with no hands. At that point, and at that point only - your child may be in danger.







Dad of the Year:


In so many eyes he is a hero. I mean. Who wouldn't think this was a.) extremly talented and b.) a sure way to guarantee your wife never gets pregnant again.











*Special Thanks to LC for bringing that topic up.