Nothing Beats SkyMall

The SkyMall catalog is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.


It's just page after page of treasures.





"Hand-dipped in 24K gold, these roses last forever!"
$799.99


What's weird is that my Nana who is 85 years old owns these roses. Clearly, it delivers elegance in your home that is unmatched.


I hope my boyfriend skips on the diamond tennis bracelet and splurges on these babies for my birthday this year.











"High-performance running sandal"
$79.99




If you were thinking to yourself "there is nothing uglier than a pair of 1994 Granola Teva's" - well you were wrong my friend.


I can't wait to go to the gym with these bad boys. There are sure to create a jealousy frenzy when I am on the treadmill.







"Make every bedroom window an instant fire escape!"
$119.99


I actually used to have one of these that my dad forced me to keep by my bedroom window.


Ironically, I spent my highschool life using it to sneak out of the house.


Thanks for thinking about my safety dad.










"The Indoor Dog Restroom"
$149.95


Perfect. So instead of training my dog to go to the bathroom outside, I can instead scrub his smelly shit off of the fake grass pad and into my sink/tub.


Sounds awesome.









"The Pet's Observation Porthole"
$29.95


Also known as: Mock your pet.


A. how many times is this dog going to slam its face into the bubble because he think he can get through?


B. why would this dog want to watch people have fun on the other side of the fence when he can't go over there.


C. your neighbors might think this is sliiiightly creepy.











"Detox Foot Patches"
$39.99




"Precise formulation of natural ingredients in the patch has an amazing overnight ability to draw toxins right through your skin"


Basically, you wake up and what looks like
baby diarrhea is on the patch and apparently came out of your body. Sweet.

"T-Rex Dinosaur Trophy" Wall Sculpture
$89.99


I'm sure your wife would let you put this over the fireplace. No prob.

I bet it wont' even scare the shit out of kids.















"Embossed Denim Jackets"
$69.98


"Rugged, handsome button-front jackets featuring a perfectly-detailed regal guitar or bald eagle embossed across the back!"


The greatest treasure of them all. Enough said.